i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize