I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
