oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
