Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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