It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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