I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
