are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
