I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
