is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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