I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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