OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
