it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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