i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
