Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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