I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
