I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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