the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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