After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
