Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
