He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
