addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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