ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
