now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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