And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
