okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
