is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
