Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Farmville is her only friend.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
