i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
