Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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