she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
