I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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