1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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