just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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