Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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