yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
