Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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