I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to calm my uterus...
Pants are for mortals
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
