marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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