6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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