It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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