I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
