At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
