Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
