i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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