you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
