Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
