I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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