Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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