come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
