I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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