Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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