my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
