I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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