how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
