Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had sex on a roof
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize