you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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