everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
