I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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