THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
