Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
