....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
im on a boat
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