I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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