Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize