Don't make out with my wife yet
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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