just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
