morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
