I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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