it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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