Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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