Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
