Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
