Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
