I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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