I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
