I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
