I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
