Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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