Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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