Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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