I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
