Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize